Thanksgiving 2014

I feel like tonight I should be writing about all that I am thankful for, but I just don’t have light, airy, and deep in me tonight. It all fell apart this year, in an almost unreal manner, in an almost unreal time frame. Dad got sick, the fridge died, the central air died, Jenn passed away suddenly, Dad got sicker, Grandmom passed away; Dad got even sicker. I spent most of this year trying to figure out who and what to be most worried about. Many tears were shed; there were plenty of sleepless nights.

I am not light and airy this year. I’m weary and I’m heavy with anxiety. I’m not even sure where to start, but I fear becoming unhappy and ungrateful. My blessings are many even when I’m feeling lost and at loose ends.

I am fall on my knees grateful that Dear Old Dad is doing well and is still with us, there were days I was sure this would not come to pass.

I am fall on my knees grateful for my continued healing and good health. As far as I know I am still cancer-free. My next scans are scheduled for January.

I remain deeply and truly thankful for my husband, who has been by my side from the beginning, through the good, the bad, the terrifying, and the sorrowful. He is my unwavering supporter and my soul mate; even in the darkest hour my heart will always know his.

I’m grateful that this Thanksgiving I have a table to be around with a big extended family. I despise the holidays and all the commercial nonsense and noise that surrounds them but I do so love to sit around big tables surrounded by those I love, cherish, admire, and respect. I’m thankful I’ve never spent a Thanksgiving or Christmas alone or away from home and those I love most.