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Don’t Feed the Bears & Don’t Make the Bald Woman Uncomfortable

October 17, 2014 by carol anne Leave a Comment

I’d like to share a bit of advice with you all tonight…

Please don’t feed the bears and please don’t make the badly scarred and bald woman feel (more) uncomfortable (than she is).

I just must attract people, odd people. That’s all there is to it. I’ve had two uncomfortable experiences over the past two weeks and I was polite to both people when I really didn’t want to be.

Last Thursday at the home, dad’s social worker asked me where I got the tattoo. I don’t have a tattoo but I knew what he was talking about because he’d just walked up from behind me so I knew he meant my scar. I had surgery in December 2011 to take my Trapezius muscle from my back and turn it upside to put on my head to cover a hole the radiation wore in the new skin on my head. It left a pretty gnarly scar that makes me feel deformed and maimed. So I’m less than receptive to conversations about my scar from strangers who walk up and glibly ask me stupid shit like, “Where’d you get the tattoo?” He had a pronounced limp, I didn’t walk up to him at any point during dad’s stay and say, “Dude! Where’d you get that limp?”

Then today we were eating lunch at the diner after my doctor appointment and an older woman walked up to me and asked me if I was in chemo. I told her no and went back to eating because I sort of wanted the conversation to end there but she went on to tell me about this local hairdresser, Martino who gives away wigs. I politely told her I knew about him and again hoped she’d go on her merry way but she continued talking, telling me she’d had breast cancer and lung cancer and that she’s a two time survivor. I offered niceties and went back to eating and still she continued on asking me about my cancer, wrongly assuming that I have breast cancer because of my pink scarf. I told her a brief version of my story and said I was two years cancer-free (and I just know she was dying to ask me how I’m still bald if I’m two years cancer-free) before she finally left our table but not before grabbing my shoulder and saying, “God bless you.” The “God bless you” was what sent the whole thing over the edge, I don’t want to feel pitied and she was the second person to do it in two weeks. The social worker said to me as he was walking away, “Wow, you do good for being here all day [after having had brain surgery.]” ß the part in brackets was implied by the look in his eyes.

Now I know the social worker didn’t mean any harm and I know the woman today just wanted to let me know where to get a free wig but I don’t want to be a circus animal (I don’t like to be on display on my very best days) and I don’t want to be the cancer patient poster child. Sometimes I want to sit down and eat lunch with my husband and not be reminded that I’m bald or of what I’ve survived and sometimes I want to stand on the porch with my father and not be reminded that I’m hideously scarred.

It’s hard to feel normal or have a sense of normalcy when you wake up every morning bald and badly scarred so please don’t walk up out of the clear blue sky and ask someone about their scars or their bald head. Those are conversations to be had in the right setting when the mood/energy is right. My reality is there every time I look in the mirror so please don’t feel it’s okay to bring it up just because you want to know or feel like talking.

PLEASE NOTE:  Close friends and family this does not include you. If you want to sit down and ask me about how it feels to be bald and scarred and you’re not afraid of a few tears I’m an open book as anyone who has ever read my blog knows.

Posted in: Major Surgery & the Road to Recovery Tagged: bald, bald is beautiful, cancer sucks, muscle flap surgery, scarred, scars, skin cancer, trapezius muscle

Surgery #6

September 27, 2012 by carol anne 3 Comments

Last Friday I had my 6-month checkup with the Dermatologist, during which I pointed out that one of the marks on my nose seemed to have grown. He didn’t think it was anything but just to be safe he biopsied both spots. The biopsy results came back this morning.

The left is a fibrous papule but in light of the findings on the right side he’s having it tested further just in case.

The right side -the side I felt had grown a bit- the biopsy revealed that it is basal cell carcinoma and will have to be removed. Dr. Heymann referred me to a surgeon and told me to call early next week to schedule my surgery. In the meantime he will send the surgeon my report so the office will have all my info beforehand.

The surgery they will do to remove it is MOHS Micrographic surgery, which doesn’t seem like it’s entirely pleasant. http://www.skincancermohssurgery.org/mohs-surgery/mohs-procedure.php If I have surgery before October 13 I will have had 6 surgeries in 2 years.

I’m bitter, I’m annoyed, I’m frustrated and I’m scared because it certainly seems like it’s at best an uncomfortable procedure. I’ve had that spot on my nose for years so who knows how deep the cancer actually is. I’m so not looking forward to this.

Posted in: Major Surgery & the Road to Recovery Tagged: basal cell carcinoma, MOHS Micrographic surgery, skin cancer

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

May 28, 2011 by carol anne 8 Comments

Day 148

I may have cancer and I may be (mostly) bald, but I have my little Cuppy baby and her equally adorable (but too heavy to pick up) brother Snowball.

As promised, I’m back. Today was spent researching sunblock. Now that I have skin cancer and am going through radiation treatments I have to be even more careful in the sun. I researched a little on the web and found that the Skin Cancer Foundation gives its seal of recommendation to a few products. To get their seal of recommendation they products must … (quoted directly from their site)

• A sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or higher

• Validation of SPF number by testing on 20 subjects

• Substantiation for any claims that a sunscreen is water- or sweat-resistant

• Acceptable results for phototoxic reactions and contact irritancy testing on 20 subjects

• A sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or higher • Validation of SPF number by testing on 20 subjects • Substantiation for any claims that a sunscreen is water- or sweat-resistant • Acceptable results for phototoxic reactions and contact irritancy testing on 20 subjects

They endorse recommend products by Avon, Colorescience, MD SolarSciences, PCA Skin, and Shiseido with their Active Seal. They define Active as … (quoted directly from their site)

“Active” products should protect the wearer from extended sun exposure, such as exposure received outdoors during recreational activities. Examples might include high SPF products, sport sunscreens, zinc oxide/titanium dioxide sticks, and baby products.

To be awarded the “Active” Seal products must meet these criteria:

  • UVB protection: A sun protection factor (SPF) of 30 or higher.  Validation of the SPF number by testing on 20 human subjects.
  • UVA Protection: A critical wavelength of 370 or Persistent Pigment Darkening (PPD) of 10, as tested on 10 human subjects.
  • Acceptable results for phototoxic reactions and contact irritancy testing on 20 human subjects.
  • Proof of photostability.
  • Proof of water resistance.

Sounds good. Right? Sure. However, the recommended products are super expensive.

Avon

Anew Solar Advance Sunscreen Body Lotion SPF 30  $34

Anew Solar Advance Lip Sunscreen SPF 30

Anew Solar Advance Eye Sunscreen SPF 30

(I couldn’t find the lip or eye sunscreen on Avon’s website)

Colorescience

Sunforgettable SPF 30 Powder  $50

MD SolarSciences

Mineral Screen Gel SPF 30+ Sensitive Skin  $29.50

Mineral Screen Lotion SPF 40  $36

PCA SKIN

Active very water/sweat resistant SPF 45

(has to be purchased from a clinical practice)

Shiseido

Shiseido Extra Smooth Sun Protection Cream N SPF 38  $32-$34 at Sephora

I asked on Twitter what sunblock people recommended and my husband’s friend, who surfs and another Tweeter, who I’m pretty sure doesn’t surf recommended Bullfrog. I looked it up online and one is an SPF 30, which includes insect repellant (mosquitos love me) and the other is an SPF 50 mist. I’m thinking about buying the SPF 30 with the insect repellant for my body and perhaps purchasing one of the MD SolarSciences products for my face. While I was at Target today I picked up Neutrogena’s SPF 60 for sensitive skin for my face. It contains the same active ingredients as the MD SolarSciences (Titanium Dioxide and Zinc Oxide) and it cost less than $10. However, I was reading the info on some of the sunblocks Surfer Dude recommended and in one FAQ I learned something that I did not know before purchasing the Neutrogena sunblock.

According to Headhunter Surfscreen’s FAQ the FDA does not recognize the term waterproof. (quoted directly from their site)

What is the Difference between “Water Resistant,” “Very Water-Resistant,” and “Waterproof”? A lot. The FDA recognizes the terms “water resistant” and “very water resistant.” It does not recognize the term “waterproof.” If a sunscreen says “waterproof” it’s just marketing hype from the maker himself.

I don’t actually plan to be in the water  but I’m wondering if water-resistant also means sweat-resistant. I plan on buying a hat in addition to good sunscreen so I’m hoping the Neutrogena SPF 60 plus a big floppy hat will protect my face and poor radiated head.

Thus concludes our class on sunblock. Thanks for stopping by to read and comment. I love you all.

Love,

~ me ~

Posted in: Major Surgery & the Road to Recovery, Photos, Soul Baring Ramblings Tagged: Avon, Bullfrof, cancer, Colorescience, Headhunter Surfscreen, MD SolarSciences, Neutrogena, PCA Skin, Photography, Photos, radiation treatments, recovery, Shiseido, skin cancer, Skin Cancer Foundation, sunblock, sunscreen, surgery

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