radiation

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

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Day 76

I’m anxious tonight. The pre-admission testing folks from the hospital. I had to go over my medical history over the phone. I’ll get a phone call tomorrow some time between 4pm-7pm with information as to what time I should report to the hospital on Monday. I’m a nervous wreck. I asked if I’d need a breathing tube for the surgery and she couldn’t answer me. She said to ask my anesthesiologist the day of the surgery. I’m so afraid. I wish I could just have a local. I’m afraid of going to sleep and not waking up. I’m afraid of the breathing tube. I’m afraid of waking up in the hospital 5 days later with no memory of those 5 days. It’s supposed to be an hour-long surgery and I’m supposed to come home the same night.

I know it’s apples and oranges, but all this talk of the radiation in Japan and the risks of exposure is freaking me out. The news keeps comparing the exposure to numbers of x-rays (10,000) and CAT scans (250). I’ve had at least 8 CAT scans and 1 MRI since October and I still have the actual radiation treatments to face. I’m anxious and afraid and I don’t feel like talking about it tonight so I’m going to end here.

Thanks for coming back every day to read. I love you all.

Love,

~ Carol Anne

Oops!

*** Edited at 12:35am EDT Fri., March 18 to insert correct photo.***

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

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Day 55

In honor of the return of America’s Next Top Model you get two photos tonight. The first is my regular photo the second is me trying to find the light. *falls on floor laughing* Yep! That’s me putting the I in delusional for sure. *laughs*

All kidding aside. I do have news tonight. As it turns out there was a mistake on the calendar the technician gave me. My radiation treatments actually begin in early March as opposed to early April. I’d be lying to you if I told you that I wasn’t freaked out by this turn of events. I thought I’d have more time to prepare emotionally. On the bright side, God willing I’ll be done with radiation treatments by May. I have an appointment with the plastic surgeon next week and as long as she gives her okay treatments will begin shortly thereafter.

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

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Day 46

It was a good day today. Well, actually it started with much anxiety but ended well. I had another follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon. She had to check the progress of the last wound, which was a bit red and still weeping at the last appointment. She prescribed an antibiotic and a new dressing. Both are doing their job nicely. She saw the right amount of progress and was happy. I have to take the antibiotic for another week and use the dressing for the next two weeks but I can go ahead with my simulation appointment this week. So everything is on track and I’m still healing. God is good.

I can finally wear my (reading) glasses again so I thought I’d take tonight’s photo wearing my glasses.

(((hugs))) & *smooches* and all that good stuff. Thanks for reading!

Love,

~  Carol Anne

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

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Day 38

Dig my pretty new scarf! Isn't it nice?


It’s been a long exhausting day. I had my first appointment with the oncologist this afternoon. It was a long scary appointment. The day started off rough and so my already frayed nerves were pretty much unraveled when I arrived at Booth Radiology only to find out that the films I needed to bring with me to the appointment were not ready. According to the girl at the desk the machine was broken on Friday and so nothing got done. Rather than lose it at her I just walked out.

Seriously. They have you leave your information along with a phone number you can be reached at on the answering machine. In my message I asked to pick up my films on Monday morning. If they couldn’t provide the films in the 48 hour time frame they request they should have at least called to let me know ahead of time. Imagine my surprise when I stopped there on my way to the oncologist’s office and the films weren’t there. To say that this was my undoing would be an understatement.

We arrived at the CyberKnife center, which is located down a dead end road (totally thought we were lost) and I filled out all the required paperwork. And then we waited. And waited. Oh and we waited some more. Finally the nurse came out and ushered us into a consultation room where she took my medical history, which she already had. I know this because she corrected me when I forgot that my father’s last bout with skin cancer was in fact melanoma. *shakes head* I think she may have been killing time until the doctor was free to see me. After taking my medical history she offered us the opportunity to sit in the consultation room to continue waiting or go back out in to the waiting room to continue waiting. I opted to stay in the consultation room rather than go backwards in the waiting process.

As it turns out they didn’t have the last progress report from the plastic surgeon so we waited some more while they had the plastic surgeon’s office fax that over. The nurse moved us into the exam room where we waited some more. When he finally arrived he asked us to tell him the story up until this point and then started to discuss the side effects and possible risks associated with radiation treatments. He examined my head and scheduled me for a Sim Appointment next Friday. At the Sim Appointment they’ll map out my head and create a face mask to hold my head still during radiation treatments. *shudder* The nurse told me they can cut the eyes out if I’m claustrophobic. *laughs* You’re going to cover my head in a full mask designed to immobilize my head while you shoot radiation in to my head and you think that cutting the eyes out will make it a less claustrophobic experience? I don’t think so, but okay. *shakes head*

Before the Sim Appointment I need to have another CAT scan, this time of my neck, to check to see if the cancer has spread to any lymph nodes. And OMG! I have to have a pregnancy test. After the Sim appointment they’ll map out a plan for my radiation treatments and after a few weeks my treatments will begin. The treatments will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. There are no treatments on weekends or holidays.

Tomorrow I’ll tell you about the pretty wig Martino found for me today.

Love,

~ Carol Anne

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

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Day 36

Hola kiddies! I hope tonight’s post finds you all well and in good spirits. It was a quiet rainy day around here. We didn’t do much. We ended up driving around a bit and then stopped at Burger King for dinner and as it turns out it was a nice quiet casual time for to us to sit and talk about my coming radiation treatments. Nothing too deep or serious and it came in dribs and drabs but it was nice (if you can call talking about radiation treatments nice) to just talk.

This project is very important to me so I’ve asked the hubs to make sure it continues through the radiation treatments. I’ve asked him to snap a pic and post a bit on days if/when I’m feeling to sick or too weak. I’m hoping I won’t need him to but since this project is important to me I want to see it through. I want this to be someplace others with cancer or other illnesses can come to read and perhaps alleviate some of their fears. I’m sure no two cancer experiences are the same but I think having at least a vague idea of what’s to come is at least a little reassuring. I wish that I’d have thought to take pictures of the CAT scan and MRI machines when I had those tests done. I think part of the fear is not knowing what to expect. I was so terrified of the MRI and then once I got in there and actually saw the machine I was like Oh I can do this. I got this. Had I known ahead of time what the machine looked like I wouldn’t have worried so much beforehand. If I have any more CAT scans or MRIs I’ll ask the technicians if I can take photos of the machines. I’ll see what I can do about documenting the radiation process also.

It’s almost midnight so I better get this posted before I actually end up missing a day without actually missing a day. *laughs* Sleep easy my dear lil readers. (((hugs)))