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bald is beautiful

Don’t Feed the Bears & Don’t Make the Bald Woman Uncomfortable

October 17, 2014 by carol anne Leave a Comment

I’d like to share a bit of advice with you all tonight…

Please don’t feed the bears and please don’t make the badly scarred and bald woman feel (more) uncomfortable (than she is).

I just must attract people, odd people. That’s all there is to it. I’ve had two uncomfortable experiences over the past two weeks and I was polite to both people when I really didn’t want to be.

Last Thursday at the home, dad’s social worker asked me where I got the tattoo. I don’t have a tattoo but I knew what he was talking about because he’d just walked up from behind me so I knew he meant my scar. I had surgery in December 2011 to take my Trapezius muscle from my back and turn it upside to put on my head to cover a hole the radiation wore in the new skin on my head. It left a pretty gnarly scar that makes me feel deformed and maimed. So I’m less than receptive to conversations about my scar from strangers who walk up and glibly ask me stupid shit like, “Where’d you get the tattoo?” He had a pronounced limp, I didn’t walk up to him at any point during dad’s stay and say, “Dude! Where’d you get that limp?”

Then today we were eating lunch at the diner after my doctor appointment and an older woman walked up to me and asked me if I was in chemo. I told her no and went back to eating because I sort of wanted the conversation to end there but she went on to tell me about this local hairdresser, Martino who gives away wigs. I politely told her I knew about him and again hoped she’d go on her merry way but she continued talking, telling me she’d had breast cancer and lung cancer and that she’s a two time survivor. I offered niceties and went back to eating and still she continued on asking me about my cancer, wrongly assuming that I have breast cancer because of my pink scarf. I told her a brief version of my story and said I was two years cancer-free (and I just know she was dying to ask me how I’m still bald if I’m two years cancer-free) before she finally left our table but not before grabbing my shoulder and saying, “God bless you.” The “God bless you” was what sent the whole thing over the edge, I don’t want to feel pitied and she was the second person to do it in two weeks. The social worker said to me as he was walking away, “Wow, you do good for being here all day [after having had brain surgery.]” ß the part in brackets was implied by the look in his eyes.

Now I know the social worker didn’t mean any harm and I know the woman today just wanted to let me know where to get a free wig but I don’t want to be a circus animal (I don’t like to be on display on my very best days) and I don’t want to be the cancer patient poster child. Sometimes I want to sit down and eat lunch with my husband and not be reminded that I’m bald or of what I’ve survived and sometimes I want to stand on the porch with my father and not be reminded that I’m hideously scarred.

It’s hard to feel normal or have a sense of normalcy when you wake up every morning bald and badly scarred so please don’t walk up out of the clear blue sky and ask someone about their scars or their bald head. Those are conversations to be had in the right setting when the mood/energy is right. My reality is there every time I look in the mirror so please don’t feel it’s okay to bring it up just because you want to know or feel like talking.

PLEASE NOTE:  Close friends and family this does not include you. If you want to sit down and ask me about how it feels to be bald and scarred and you’re not afraid of a few tears I’m an open book as anyone who has ever read my blog knows.

Posted in: Major Surgery & the Road to Recovery Tagged: bald, bald is beautiful, cancer sucks, muscle flap surgery, scarred, scars, skin cancer, trapezius muscle

365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

May 3, 2011 by carol anne 3 Comments

Day 123

(Today’s photo is of my almost bald head. It’s below the update if you want to read but don’t want to look.)

First off I want to thank everyone for their kind words in response to last night’s rather depressing but cathartic post. I’m late again but tonight’s picture was taken on May 3rd so technically I’m within my self-imposed rules. *laughs*

Anyway, this project is all about being honest with myself and with all of you. I feel that without including at least one photo of myself with my almost bald head I’m not being completely honest and so tonight’s photo is of me without my scarf or bandages. I’ve been contemplating this for a while and even taken a few photos prior to this one and tonight I finally feel as though I look okay enough and am secure enough to publish a photo of myself as I actually exist.

I understand that this might be upsetting for those who love me so I’m putting tonight’s photo at the end of the post so you can choose to read and not look if you want to. Thank you all so much for all of your love and support and for stopping by every day to read and comment. I love you all, you mean the world to me.

With much love and great affection,

~ Carol Anne

Photo Below

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I started this project as an honest look at myself. That said, I’ve had some nights where I’ve offered you shots of my feet or my eyes or even a piece of notebook paper. Tonight I’m sharing this photo because this project is an honest look at myself, my life and this process. I’ve bared my soul to you and now it’s time to give you an honest look at what I look like. One of my biggest fears in all of this is not knowing what to expect. I hope by sharing my experience I’ll help someone else know that even though it’s scary you can get through it and perhaps offer them some comfort by giving them an idea of what to expect.

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Bald is Beautiful!

Posted in: Major Surgery & the Road to Recovery, Photos, Soul Baring Ramblings Tagged: bald is beautiful, cancer, Photography, Photos, radiation treatments, recovery, surgery

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