I have to admit, I never thought I’d be back here updating the cancer diaries, but here I am writing to you in the middle of the night, two weeks after my last oncologist appointment; an appointment where I learned a year after my last surgery there is a small amount of the growth. Growth that might be radiation necrosis or tumor growth.
A year ago tonight, I was in the PACU unit of the hospital recovering from brain surgery to remove the cancer that stole my eyesight. How could it be I’ve come this far and lost so much in the process only for it to be possible I might be back at the start again? This time as a widow. Why is the universe so cruel? I’m terrified. There’s only so far bravery and tenacity can take you. I can hang in there with the best of them and have for the last eight years, but how many rounds does the universe expect me to fight through? I want my second act damn it. I want to be free from cancer and from fear. I want a life, a full one that does not include MRIs every three months and oncologist appointments and pills three times a day to keep the radiation treatments from eating my brain.
Carol, I know you are stronger than you think. Dont give up! In my eyes you are Rocky Balboa. Carol, you are the world championship belt holder. I know that it seems like ground hogs day. I cant even imagine what you have been though. I just know with Christ anything is possible. My friends church are gonna pray for you. Keep the faith! Love ya my friend. Karen
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