I’m tired. This has been a really long and humbling semester. It has been a very long time since I’ve had to struggle through learning something. The last time I took a math or science class it was 1988 and my sophomore year in high school. I’m an insane perfectionist and I often choose to not tackle anything I don’t think I can excel at or intimidates me.
When I first started at MK it was intimidating to be the only one who wasn’t college educated and I was asking for and actually doing a job I wasn’t trained for, but as time went on I got good at my job and gained confidence. So it’s been at least 12 or 13 years since I’ve had to jump in with both feet and either sink or swim and I was a lot younger back then. I’d forgotten how intimidating and humbling it is to not know how to do something or to not just be intrinsically good at something.
I’ve felt small and stupid and less than since this semester began. The professor hasn’t exactly been prompt in grading our work so Id not’ have any of my grades for the second section labs nor do I have the grades for the labs I’ve turned in for this section so there’s a great deal of uncertainty, which if you know anything about me you know totally unhinges me. The perfectionist in me wants and needs an A, the realist in me knows that I need a C so I’ll be able to transfer the credits to a four-year college, the hopeful part of my soul hopes for a B but there are are 60 lab points and 50 assignment points sitting out there unassigned and ungraded. 110 points are the difference between passing easily and failing miserably.
I’ll take the last test and last quiz tomorrow and that’s another 125 points out there.
I’m really at my stress limit. I can’t wait for this class to be over.