So here I am trying to decide where I go from where and who I want to be. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and the person I want to be is the fun, free, social little girl I started out as.
I don’t think I ever really learned now to really and truly be myself. While I was still very young
— I made myself small —
— I made myself unburdensome —
— I made myself quiet —
— I made myself conform —
— I made myself invisible —
I Want
To be the little girl who sang “Tomorrow” for the neighbors.
I want to be the little girl who wanted to try out for the talent show.
I want to be the little who wanted to take dancing lessons without fear of the recital.
I want to be the young girl who volunteered to cantor 8th grade graduation mass.
Where?
Where do I find that child?
How?
How do I get her back?
How do I tell her that voice in her ear telling her not to be seen or heard was wrong?
How do I tell her it’s okay to be seen and heard?
How do I tell her it’s okay to shine?
How do I tell her she’s as good as she thinks she is?
Wow, those are some difficult questions to answer for ourselves. But I think the act of asking them starts you on the road to figuring them out.
Also, you are awesome and amazing and should mos def let that light shine. Doo eet.
(((hugs))) Thanks for the encouragement Joules.
I need to go on this search and rescue, too, so I have no advice. But I can say that you aren’t alone in your search for an inner child who has been long hidden.
Thanks Tracie. I hope we both find our long hidden inner children.
it’s hard to ignore those voices that tell us to shut up, to sit down. today, i have to tell myself that i want to live, and those voices wamt me to exist in a walking death. good luck to you on your journey toward life. i look forward to stories of dance class, of songs sung with joy. many hugs to you.
Thanks Cindy. I just registered for my first class since I got sick 2 years ago. I start back on my path toward a degree one month from today. It’s just one class but it’s a start!