Friday, December 9 @ 11:16pm

I had a meltdown today; actually 2. One in the morning and another bigger one tonight. I’ve been constipated and uncomfortable and overwhelmed. When everything boiled over tonight I just went to pieces. I told Chuck that I’m exhausted.

It’s been a long 14 months and I’m feeling every bit of those 14 months tonight. Over the last few days I’ve been asked to give my medical history to my home healthcare folks. I’ve reeled off names and dates of surgeries, dates of radiation treatments and given the details on this last surgery.

Oct. 2010

• Craniotomy

• Multiple Skin Grafts

March 2011

• Split Thickness Skin Graft

May – June 2011

• 32 radiation Treatments

December 2011

• Muscle Flap Surgery

I went into this surgery not feeling emotionally able to have yet another surgery and definitely not up for another long recovery. I also went into this surgery unclear as to the seriousness of the actual surgery and the length of hospital stay that it required. I initially knew that I’d be in overnight then it was overnight plus one more day. It all shook out to be a 6 day hospital stay, during which I was hooked up to a morphine pump and wound vac. I was not ready for this nor were my family members. Chuck lost 3 days of work without pay and at least 2 of those days would have not been lost had the surgeon been straight up with us and just told us that I’d be in the hospital 6 days. Instead we spent Friday-Monday on pins and needles wondering when I’d be sent home if I’d be sent home with the wound vac.

As I type this the constipation issue has been resolved and I’m no longer hysterical but I’m no less weary. I hope to leave this house for a few hours tomorrow to maybe go feed the animals on Duffield’s Farm or go visit the ducks at the duck pond.