Well kids it was a mixed bag at the oncologist’s office today. The REALLY, REALLY GOOD NEWS is there is no growth, there is no evidence of tumor. Of course I’ll have to be monitored and I’m sure there are more MRIs in my future but as of today there is no tumor.
I CAN HONESTLY SAY TO YOU … TONIGHT I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!
Thank you all for your prayers, good wishes, candles and positive energy. I love you all. I really believe that I am a living, breathing example of the power of prayer. I’m so grateful and so humbled. Thank you.
And now for the bad news …
The raw spot on my head that we’ve been doctoring is the titanium mesh showing through. Dr. Hughes (oncologist) called my neurosurgeon right away and his associate Dr. Turtz came down to look at me. He took a picture of my head and e-mailed it to Dr. Matthews (plastic surgeon) right away. I have an appointment to see Dr. Matthews on Monday. Most likely I’ll need another skin graft.
I’m trying so hard to be grateful because I know the outcome could have been so much worse. There could have been growth, it could have been tumor, I could be facing another round of radiation treatments. I’m so grateful to God for this outcome. But, I don’t feel like I’m physically or emotionally up to another round of surgery, looking like a Snork and more months of recovery. I want my life back, damn it! The holidays are coming. I want to be able to wear my wig, I want to feel good again.
And I know people mean well when they say, you’ve been through so much worse this is small potatoes. Even the doctors said it today. And, yes, yes I have been through so much worse and I’m tired. I don’t want any more surgery. I want to say to these people well if it’s such small potatoes you do it. You have a surgeon slice skin off your leg and stitch it to your head. You have another round of general anesthesia. You wear the snork mesh thing for a week. You give up being able to hold your kitties until your head heals. Give up having hair AGAIN. Then tell me it’s small potatoes. I’m very bitter and depressed tonight. I’m exhausted.
Thank you all for your love and your prayers and lit candles and positive energy and encouraging words. I love you all.
With much love and great affection,
~ Carol Anne