Day 300
Well kids it was a mixed bag at the oncologist’s office today. The REALLY, REALLY GOOD NEWS is there is no growth, there is no evidence of tumor. Of course I’ll have to be monitored and I’m sure there are more MRIs in my future but as of today there is no tumor.
I CAN HONESTLY SAY TO YOU … TONIGHT I DO NOT HAVE CANCER!
Thank you all for your prayers, good wishes, candles and positive energy. I love you all. I really believe that I am a living, breathing example of the power of prayer. I’m so grateful and so humbled. Thank you.
And now for the bad news …
The raw spot on my head that we’ve been doctoring is the titanium mesh showing through. Dr. Hughes (oncologist) called my neurosurgeon right away and his associate Dr. Turtz came down to look at me. He took a picture of my head and e-mailed it to Dr. Matthews (plastic surgeon) right away. I have an appointment to see Dr. Matthews on Monday. Most likely I’ll need another skin graft.
I’m trying so hard to be grateful because I know the outcome could have been so much worse. There could have been growth, it could have been tumor, I could be facing another round of radiation treatments. I’m so grateful to God for this outcome. But, I don’t feel like I’m physically or emotionally up to another round of surgery, looking like a Snork and more months of recovery. I want my life back, damn it! The holidays are coming. I want to be able to wear my wig, I want to feel good again.
And I know people mean well when they say, you’ve been through so much worse this is small potatoes. Even the doctors said it today. And, yes, yes I have been through so much worse and I’m tired. I don’t want any more surgery. I want to say to these people well if it’s such small potatoes you do it. You have a surgeon slice skin off your leg and stitch it to your head. You have another round of general anesthesia. You wear the snork mesh thing for a week. You give up being able to hold your kitties until your head heals. Give up having hair AGAIN. Then tell me it’s small potatoes. I’m very bitter and depressed tonight. I’m exhausted.
Thank you all for your love and your prayers and lit candles and positive energy and encouraging words. I love you all.
With much love and great affection,
~ Carol Anne
Thank God! The best of luck in all you do! I will always keep you in my thoughts.
Thank you Suze.
I am so very happy for you to finally be able to say you are cancer-free, what a wonderful feeling that must be for you to be able to have faced this and have won, you are a winner no two ways about it and we all prayed so hard for you to get to this day. Your poor head and another graft, that is just so hard on you again, its too bad that they have to put you through another round of that, so sorry to hear that but you can get yourself through this once again and our little army of friends will be with you all the way. Hopefully this will be all it takes to see our girl back to where she was before. You have beat cancer and that is what is to celebrate for, your family must be so very relieved and so proud of you for
taking this journey and seeing it through. This too will pass and your life will be yours again.
Love
Suz
Thank you Suzy Q.
Cancer free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK so about the graft. That seems pretty major to me, including psychologically. You just want this all to be over. So the heck with everyone :) You feel however you need to feel. It’s another step on the journey – a rough one – I’m so sorry you have to go through it.
Barbara/@ThisBarbara
Thank you Barbara. (((warm hugs)))