Today is the 265th day of the year. There are only 100 days remaining in 2011. Today we finished making my appointments for October; blood work the first week, first MRI the second week, second MRI the third week and a visit with the oncologist the fifth week. I really love Halloween so please say a prayer that there is no growth and that everything stays the same.
I don’t think that it is an exaggeration to say that I can’t breathe when I think about sitting in Dr. Hughes’ office to hear the verdict. I honestly don’t know how to handle this round of tests and results. The last time around I was anxious and bouncy and nervous and hopeful and we all know how that turned out. I’m afraid to be hopeful, I’m afraid there will be growth and it will mean more radiation. I can’t even imagine hearing those words and yet I can feel myself already fixating on them. I don’t want to live in fear for the next 6 weeks but I’m more afraid to get my hopes up. August 5th was devastating. I can’t let myself get there again. I practically bounced into Dr. Bussey’s office that day I don’t think I can recover from that again.
I have another week of September to get through first so I’ll try to focus on good stuff until the appointments begin. Thanks for coming back every day to read and comment. I love you.
With much love and great affection,
~ Carol Anne