1. Perfectly said. And I understand just how you felt when your radiation treatments were extended. I did a chemo countdown on my blog and when it was extended, I felt like I’d let everybody down — because I was too sick for treatment one day. Pshaw. I found out that my friends would be there anyway, even when I was disappointed or sad. I’m glad you’ve found that too.

    Nice to meet you tonight —

    • Carol Anne

      Thank you Susan. Thank you for sharing that you (actually all of you who replied today) were upset when your end date changed. I was so upset and yet I kept thinking in my head, “you’re being petty and ridiculous over a few days.” Hearing other people’s stories helps immensely. Thanks again for letting me join in.

  2. Oh so well said! I remember being absolutely gutted when chemo was delayed when I was neutropenic. I had tattooed the last round of treatment on my soul and the fact that it went into another month really hit me hard.

    Yes, being positive for sure has its place, and can really help to get through but when I hear the glib statement that it can affect outcome is insensitive at best and horribly offensive at worst.

    I’m also glad to connect with you through the Twitter discussion.
    P :)

    • Carol Anne

      Thank you Philippa. You know I think the nicest thing my oncologist said to me was before the treatments started, “It’s okay to be scared, everyone out there (the waiting room) is scared.” There was no buck up or any of that bunk just a matter of fact statement that the treatments had to be done and a reminder that it’s okay to be afraid and that I wasn’t alone.

  3. Beautiful post. You are certainly not alone. I remember having my doctor postpone chemo because my white blood cells had tanked. I was literally begging him to give me chemo anyway because I just wanted it done with. But I had to wait.

    Your feelings are completely normal. Patients have every right to be upset, and there’s too much of this “positive thinking” nonsense that denies us our right to grieve, be angry, be upset, etc. I wrote a blog not too long ago called The Perils of Positive Thinking at http://bethlgainer.blogspot.com/2011/06/perils-of-thinking-positively.html

    It was great to meet you on #bcsm.

  4. In their book, “The Human Side of Cancer,” Holland and Lewis write about “the tyranny of positive thinking” in which it is suggested that if patients fail to keep a positive attitude, they can prevent their own healing, or worse, cause their cancer to grow faster. I often think about the tyranny of positive thinking and the selection of celebrity cancer survivor role models we’re fed, most of whom claim their lives are changed for the better by cancer, or cancer was the best thing that ever happened to them. I resent it all. And I’m grateful for your heartfelt post on this topic.

    • Carol Anne

      Susan, thank you for stopping by. I agree that the nonsense of the celebrity cancer survivors who may as well be hawking tooth whitening products. “Look! I had radiation treatments and now my teeth are pearly white.” Ugh!

  5. Good morning Carol Anne,
    If I can say anything repeatedly: you are not alone. I truly believe that you could reach out to any of those men and women on last night’s #BCSM chat and find a caring heart and soul. I love your blog and do hope you’ll come to chat and participate again soon.

    Warm regards,

    • Carol Anne

      Thank you Jodi. I’d like that. I have a unique case, which finds me with skin cancer that is more serious than some (basal cell that invaded my skull & part of my brain) but not as serious as those with melanoma so sometimes I’m not sure where I fit in in the cancer community. I appreciate your kind welcome.

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