Day 165
Seriously, what the eff? Are they fucking kidding me? Screw all the philosophical crap from Sunday. I’m fucking pissed off and depressed and feeling weak and powerless. I feel like I’m serving a prison sentence and they keep dangling the chance of parole in front of me only to pull it away and say, “Psyche! Nope you’re not getting out of here. What are you kidding?” All the while cackling maniacally. I’ve somehow stumbled into the Hotel California/Bermuda Triangle of radiation treatments.
I’ve gone from 6 weeks and 2 days with an end date of June 21 to an end date of June 22 because the machine broke down on May 11th (my 2nd day) then finding out that it’s actually 32 treatments instead of 30 with an end date of June 24 making this odyssey a full 7 weeks and now with today’s machine breakdown (the timing belt of all things is busted) I move in to an 8th week. This ever moving finish line is more than I can bear and were it up to me yesterday would have been my last treatment (#23) and up until about 8:30pm it was my last treatment. I don’t have it in me to keep going on with this but Chuck said if I give up now everything he and my parents and Tommy and Arlen have done for me will have been for nothing so on I go. I don’t know what the universe means for me to do but Chuck wants me to see this through to the end so I suppose I’ll do that.
I don’t know what to say that doesn’t make me seem like I’m behaving like a petulant child or weak-willed so I’ll just stop here for tonight. I’m exhausted.
I understand the tired. But the treatments WILL run their course. Promise. Are you getting enough liquids? Did anyone tell you about cottage cheese (the chemo wonder food)? High protien, low fat, easy on the tummy. My mom and Ferne swore by it. Hugs. Well wishes. Happy rest and keep going. Just a couple more weeks. More hugs. – K
K, no I’ve never heard about cottage cheese being the chemo wonder food. I’m actually undergoing radiation treatments but I very well may pick some up the next time I good food shopping. Thanks stopping by and for your care and concern. (((hugs)))
Not too long ago, my mother had bladder cancer. The chemo method they used didn’t agree with her, and she wound up having to go to the emergency room more than once for bleeding. She thought she would never be done with the treatments. But they finally did end, and today, a year later, she has a completely healthy bladder. Hang in. Hold on.
Gray, thank you for your care and concern and for sharing your mother’s story. All kind and caring thoughts are greatly appreciated. I’m so glad to hear your mom is healthy, I’m constantly amazed by daily miracles and the miraculous ability of doctors and modern medicine.
*hugs* That’s so frustrating, but hang in there girlie. It WILL end.
Currently hanging in as bast I can :-)
{{hugs}}
Angel: ((((warm hugs in return))))
Hey there,
You have come so far and you are almost there, almost done. You can’t help something happened to delay your treatment but you just need to hang in there and keep going. Just take this one day at a time and know how close you are to being done with this. You can do this for everyone who cares so much for you but YOU NEED TO DO THIS FOR YOU TO MAKE YOURSELF BETTER.
Love,
Suz
Thanks Suz. (((hugs)))