Well, my hair continues to fall out tonight but I just completed treatment number 12. There are 18 treatments left to go. I talked to Tricia, the nurse who cares for my head every day after treatments. I asked her beings that I’m about halfway there how she thought my head look. She told me that it’s looking good. Of course more blisters could pop and bleed but I’m 12 treatments in so far so good. I’ll take it.
I started this project as a way to be able to look at myself and not loathe my appearance. It’s actually become more of a diary of my day-to-day progress during this journey. In the interest of being honest and wandering back to the original premise of this project I have to tell you that I was quite upset and very depressed last night and this morning. I went to bed last night because I just didn’t want to be awake any more.
I got up this morning and I was still depressed but as the day wore on I felt better. I had a radiation treatment to arrive at and a day at mom’s. There were things to do and places to go. I admit the rest of my hair starting to fall out felt like adding insult to injury but I’ve settled down and I’ve collected myself. I’m 3 treatments away from being halfway there. I’m alive, I’m well, I had a hoagie, that I walked by myself to go buy for dinner, I’m strong and tomorrow I’ll go in for treatment number 13. I’ll have 3 days off and I’ve been promised an iced caramel macchiato from Starbucks tomorrow afternoon. I live on to fight another day. I have to remember not to lose sight of this.
If you’re out there and you’re reading this because you’re looking for information about cancer and going through treatments or you’re a loved one of someone going through this situation know that I am writing this for you as much as I am myself. There are ups and downs and there are days of feeling sorry for yourself but there are plenty of other better days. You can do it, you can get through this. I am and you will too. You don’t have to be bold or brave or strong, you don’t have to put on a happy face, you just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. You’ll make it. I know you will.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment every day. I love and appreciate you all.
With great love and much affection,
~ Carol Anne