Days 114 and 115
I’m back. Don’t mind the one slightly swollen but much better eye. It’s nice to not wake up with my eyes glued shut and all the other grossness that went along with having my first case of pink eye. Ewwww …. I will say the antibiotic eye drops worked wonders.
My cold has pretty much cleared up as well so I’m feeling pretty good tonight even if it is ridiculously hot for April 25. I hope to stay healthy between now and the end of my radiation treatments. I’d like to go in to them as strong and as fit as possible. I’m scared. I’m very very scared. I find myself envious of those who have to endure the misery of chemo solely because they can have people sitting with them as they go through their treatments. It’s ridiculous and childish but I am. As I’ve told you so many times before, my family is a force to be reckoned with. I haven’t been at almost any point during this journey. The scariest stuff is always the procedures and tests I have to go through alone; CAT scans, the MRI, the biopsy, the sims, and the radiation treatments. Chuck (my husband) has been with me every step of the way. He’s never been further away than the waiting room and that gives me comfort. My father volunteered to come down the day of the MRI and sit in the waiting room too. My brother sat in my hospital room on one of the nights that I was not awake and was just there with me. I wasn’t alone even when I didn’t know I wasn’t alone.
I can’t imagine walking in to that room on May 9th alone and being brave enough to lay on that table and let them shoot radiation into my head. I sincerely don’t know how people do it. I can’t imagine going through any of this alone. I’ve been trying to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t do it but the Oncologist told me that if the cancer were to come back it would not spare brain matter this time. So I suppose I’ll walk into the room on May 9th and let them shoot radiation in to my head in the hopes that it will not come back.
Well I think I’ve emptied my head enough to you all tonight. Thank you so much for stopping by every day to read and comment. I love you all.
~ Carol Anne