It’s day 35. I took this picture early this afternoon but forgot to post it after I got done posting this week’s Pop Culture Potpourri. Now it’s almost midnight and I don’t know what I want to say here. I’m sure you’re tired of me telling you I’m scared. I’m certainly tired of being scared. I wish I were that person that people said things about like, “she met the challenge head on with a steely determination.” There’s nothing steely about me. In fact I feel more flimsy and vulnerable than I ever have. I hate the unknown. I hate pain and discomfort. I hate doctors and hospitals. I hate sickness. I wish I could close my eyes and wish this away.
The nurse who made the appointment for me said, “the radiation treatments will be at the main hospital if you choose to go forward with the radiation.” ^insert confused face here^ Should I choose to go forward with the radiation? As if there’s a choice. I mean, yeah sure there’s a choice. I can choose not to have radiation and leave the cancer in my head to grow, but why would I do that? Of course I’m going to go forward with radiation or chemotherapy or whatever the oncologist tells me needs to be done. I’m scared and I may cry but I’m not going to give up or give in.