365 Days of Carol Anne (Learning to Love Myself)

Hola! Welcome to 2011 my dear lil readers. I hope everyone had a beautiful New Year’s Eve. I did. Me and the hubs and our two kitties spent a quiet night at home together. We greeted the new year with a kiss, a good cry, gratitude and phone calls to mom and Tommy and Arlene. We were on our feet and outside* a little after midnight.

*points above* That’s me up there.

Please bear with me as I meander and ramble my way through today’s post. Last night I found a program called Photo Booth on my laptop. It allows you to take pictures of yourself right at your computer. I took a picture and was like OMG! Look at me. (and not in a good way) I’ve never felt that I’m attractive and now I’m bald. Holy hell I’m a hot mess. I’ve often jokingly described myself as the short girl with the big giant noggin and teeny tiny feet. I suppose the big belly and wide hips keep me from tipping over. I’m kidding, sort of. I look at myself and see my imperfections.

My friend Angel has declared this the year of learning to take care of herself and by taking care of herself she means not only fitness and such but also nurturing her creative side. She’s going to read more, take more walks, play in her beautiful garden along with eating better and taking vitamins. I’ve decided to take a page out of her book. I’m going to learn to love myself. I’m going to see the beauty inside me as well as around me. I’m going to learn to look at pictures of myself and not cringe. I’m going to buy a beautiful wig (perhaps even a red one) and pretty scarfs and I’m going to look in the mirror and remind myself that audacious is good, smart and opinionated is good, I’m going to find the voice I once had and holler. I’m going to be brave and I’m going to face radiation treatments head on. I’m gonna get through 2011 and be better for it. I’m bound and determined and I’ll fake the rest if I have to. *laughs*

As part of my new outlook I’m going to take a picture each day**, which hopefully will motivate me to get out of my jammies and make myself presentable everyday; not just on doctor appointment days. Today’s picture was taken right after I got home from a lovely walk in the park (picture post to follow) and a quick trip to Barnes & Noble to buy Godiva chocolates for my Aunt Gloria.

*My own superstition. When I was in 8th grade I fell and sprained my ankle on Dec. 27. At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve mom had me stand on my own two feet so as to not greet the year on crutches. The outside part is my own thing. I think it started after we got married and moved here. I don’t remember.

**Don’t worry. My ugly mug won’t be the only content you see here during 2011. Fear not I’ll still be my ranting and raving self.